Let your body surrender…
It has taken me over a decade to no longer be scared of or resist this physical phenomenon that happens to me when I let my body surrender. As when this first happened to me I was terrified, hyperventilated and had to be taken to the emergency room while traveling in New Zealand.
One morning, my hands started to intensely vibrate and because I didn't know what was happening and panicked, it got worse. My hands clamped into a fist and I could not open them. It was so strange, they were completely stuck, I had no control over them.
After several hours in the ER with plenty of morphine, my hands finally relaxed and opened back up. The wonderful nurses and doctors had no way to explain what had happened, it was a mystery. I was completely shaken at the feeling of losing control.
It happened twice more both times while in the ocean. I kept breathing and focusing my thoughts on what I loved and the feeling passed without the clamping. It was always so strange, I didn’t understand it so I never really discussed it with anyone.
Listening to your body…
I had experienced all kinds of massages and healing treatments before, but this Lomi Lomi massage I booked with an incredibly healing Hawaiian woman, radically shifted my course. We briefly spoke about what was coming up for me in my life and she had me set an intention for the session before we started. I intended to release from my body whatever was ready, that I was ready.
I had made a correlation that the feeling my rheumatoid arthritis gave me was paralyzing fear, the feeling of being too scared to move. That the feeling of being stiff like that made me feel trapped. I knew that the emotion of fear was creating the experience of pain in my body but I still did not know how to clear out the fear, where was it coming from?
Sure enough, shortly after she started I felt my hands start to vibrate in that terrifying way. I tensed up, telling her— my hands are going numb! Fully panicking and starting to cry. She felt it and instructed me to just keep breathing, saying to me— your body is ready to let all this go, it's okay just keep breathing.
This time it moved from my hands up my arms and out into my entire body. I was completely frozen, paralyzed and couldn't move. I was stiff as a board. My body ached in the tension. The very thing I was most terrified of—losing all control of my body, was happening to me and there was nothing I could do. I just sobbed and repeated over and over, I surrender, I surrender.
Finally, I reached an apex and felt “something” release me and my body surrendered, the intense stiffness slowly eased, my body softened. It was so painful to be trapped like that not only physically but mentally + emotionally. It was a powerful lesson in learning to surrender. Bewildered, I was like OMG WTF was that!?
My hands vibrated for the rest of the day and I was completely shaken, yet felt such a huge release at the same time. A true body, mind, spirit catharsis. Like all the fear that I had about the possibility of that happening, loosened and let go of me. My worst fear had indeed happened, and I survived it. I was shocked, to say the least.
This experience took some time to process and weave into a relatable life lesson. Our “problems” are multilayered and affect us on so many levels. I had always lived with an all pervading fear of the RA taking over my body, it had held me captive since I was a child. I had already achieved freedom in some ways from it, yet, now another layer of it had been brought to the surface and cleared. Hallelujah!
What we're most scared of is where we will find our freedom...
It does not happen very often, but every now and again when I feel myself surrender, usually in the bath, I feel the vibration start to happen in my hands. Now, I breathe deep and encourage it, knowing it's what my body needs to do to release trapped tension. Our hands energetically represent clutching and grasping.
Women especially carry the “weight of the world” on our shoulders. I know you feel tension in your back, in your body too. Now this way of releasing tension from my body out through my hands has turned into the most incredible blessing. Just like my moon cycle, I am grateful for this release and renewal.
For so long I was scared something was wrong with my hands. The power has been in surrendering to it and learning to embrace it, and now not making a big deal out of it. When something appears wrong with our bodies, it’s easy to get scared and react from a place of fear. Whereas, if we take a moment to breathe, listen, and relax, our bodies intelligence has a way of knowing what to do. The trick is to keep breathing! Lol
When you think back on how much your body has been through, on so many levels, it makes complete sense that it would be highly beneficial to periodically make time to allow the body to surrender, process and heal. I believe that our bodies store trapped emotions, particularly trauma and that it can be coaxed into releasing. I also now know without a doubt that the whole body experience I endured that day had to happen so I would learn how to surrender.
I share this story with you in hopes that you will recognize how your body tries to communicate with you. To share the lesson I have learned— what we're scared of is exactly what we must embrace and that through the art of surrender we can learn to listen to and honor our bodies in beautiful relationship with them.
Facilitate yo self, embrace the mystical…
I believe that on this journey called life we will continue to be shown ways to love and accept ourselves. That we will never get to a place where we are done with healing or learning. That as we get older and wiser we have the privilege to become more connected to our ever-changing bodies intelligence.
This is why my self love practice with the chocolate scrub has become so essential to my physical, mental and emotional health. It creates a delicious moment through the guise of luxury + beauty to sit my body down, connect with her and inevitably open the way for a healing, every time! I always set the intention for a healing, open up to it energetically and let go of the outcome. Basically surrender to it.
As the simple experience of just making time to love on my body opens up space to connect with her, and ALWAYS acute insight comes in about how I can love her, or myself, or my life more.
We were never taught to be this intimate with our bodies, to truly tune into and listen to the wisdom they are always communicating to us. Because we have not been taught to embrace it and interpret it from a perspective of trust, we tend to fear it and therefore resist it and exacerbate it. Exactly what I did before I knew.
Of course, it is wonderful to have a facilitator but you don't need one. You are the one that knows yourself the most intimately. All you have to do is make space, open up and listen. You can connect deeply with your body and start to develop a loving trust, I sure have! Click the link below to score a self love chocolate scrub and start practicing!
Does this story trigger any memories in you, is there a time that your body was trying to communicate to you? Please do share your story with me and share this article with anyone you know who might benefit, thank you!
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***This article is not, nor is it intended to be, a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never be relied upon for specific medical advice. This article is for informational purposes only, even if and to the extent that this article features the advice of physicians and medical practitioners.